Toronto Star Review "Feels like OH, MARY! [The Broadway hit]"
Istvan Dugalin "Fancy and frantic energy"
Sesaya Arts "Copious comedic mayhem and a charmingly light touch and warm heart"
Parton and Pearl "A Fringe treat: full of laughter, lovingly crafted"
Intermission "Laughs are abundant"
Mike Anderson "Very very funny"
Preview articles with Intermission, Next Magazine, My Gay Toronto, Beaches Metro News!
Featured on CP24 Breakfast Television
#VictorandPriscilla
#1 Clown Comedy with Victor & Priscilla at Toronto Fringe Festival, July 2-13, 2025
"Silly fun! Oscar Wilde meets the Marx brothers!" Gender-bending historically inaccurate clown siblings Victor & Priscilla from Alumnae Theatre & Theatre Gargantua return in a new razzle-dazzle romp! Will our zany duo quit vaudeville to become Upper-crust Toffs of the Ton? Or will their fantabulosa drama mama Sophy and clever Bunbury cousins win them back into the family troupe?
We welcome audience members who wish to attend in costume, fancy dress, Victoriana, Steampunk, clown attire or cosplay! Show Dates and Times
|
#1 Clown Comedy with Victor and Priscilla is a new comedy featuring a family of cross-dressing Victorian-era clown characters who have previously appeared in other plays at Theatre Gargantua and Alumnae Theatre. This show combines witty wordplay, drawing room comedy, clowning, physical comedy, song, dance, puppetry and drag performance.
The play features rich historical language that explores the theatrical slang of the Victorian era, known as POLARI (also used as antique Queer code in a time when homosexuality was taboo and illegal) to touch on deeper themes like LGBTQ+ identities, outsider communities, gender roles, theatricality, and absurdity. Touching, heart-warming, and intelligent as well as ridiculous, idiotic, bizarre and absurd, these silly clowns will have you laughing in this newest installment of their family adventures! Scroll for team bios, media quotes, past productions and script excerpt Thank you to our sponsors!
Check out our Fundraiser!
Thank you to our donors! Alicia Bardasz, Tyler Bignell, Karen Scora, Ewa Bardasz, Rebecca MacDonald, Ida Amaral, Srutika Sabu, Natalie Kaye, Bruce Gram, Claire Guastavino, Karen Keith, Marion Linfield, Anonymous, Icarus Theatre
|
Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff, Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff, Dora-nominated Michelle Gram as Mrs. Sophy Luff
Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff
|
Eric Amaral & Julie Vanderlip as #VictorandPriscilla
|
Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff
|
#1 Clown Comedy with Victor & Priscilla Cast and Crew Biographies
Producer & playwright - Aaliya Alibhai
Producing, co-writing by Aaliya Alibhai (she/her), the Artistic Director of #1 Toronto Fringe Clown Comedy. Aaliya is a first time Fringe fest producer with a history of collective creation in Vancouver and Toronto. She is a graduate of the University of Toronto. She has worked as a playwright, performer, dramaturg, designer, stage manager, and assistant director. She co-wrote the sold out Toronto Fringe show Kitchen Sink Drama in 2018, where her writing was praised for being "touching, funny and tender" in a review at Life With More Cowbell. With Unspoken Theatre she co-wrote Lovesick which featured her play Anthony, and she performed as Celtic hero Bran in The Red Deer. She also co-wrote and starred in Sexpectations: A Collective Procreation with Hart House Players.
Playwright, publicist, costumer
Nina Kaye
Co-writing, costumes and marketing by Nina Kaye (she/her). An award-winning playwright and published poet, she has an M.A. in Drama from the University of Toronto. Named one of Toronto’s “best emergent playwrights” by Mooney on Theatre, her full-length drama, Unspoken, won first prize with Hart House Players and was a finalist with Panfish Productions and NuVoices. Her one-act comedy Castle Falderal won first place with Sterling Studio. Her work has been produced in Toronto, New York, California, Seattle, Washington and Missouri. Toronto productions of her work include plays at Toronto Fringe Festival, Sterling Studio, Unit 102, Videofag and Social Capital Theatre. Recent productions include Victorian Closet Drama at Alumnae Theatre; Victor & Priscilla Go To The Circus at Theatre Gargantua; Up Against A Locker at Talking Horse Productions; All At Once at Winters Theatre. She was a member of CBC Play Me Podcast's playwrights unit and is a member of the Vault Creation Lab's writer's group. Most importantly, she is Natalie Kaye's sister!
Playwright, dramaturg, dance choreographer Natalie Kaye
Co-writing, dramaturgy, and dance choreography by Natalie Kaye (she/her). Natalie is an award-winning playwright and poet. A graduate of York University and the University of Toronto, Natalie has a Masters' in Drama. She has worked in theatre as a producer, director, playwright, actor and dramaturg. Her one-act play, Mood Swings, won first place in the Pat the Dog's 24-hour play contest. The play was workshopped by Pat the Dog in February, 2014 and received a full production at Toronto Fringe in 2016 where it was called "beautiful" "well-executed" and "poetic" by Mooney on Theatre. Her short plays, Universe Inc. and A Toast were produced by Newborn Theatre at the Odds and Ends Festival. An except from her full-length musical comedy, Walking Around in a Dream, or Gentlemen Prefer Maypoles, was given a public reading with Unspoken Theatre. She is a member of the Vault Creation Lab's writer's group. Most importantly, she is Nina Kaye's sister!
Director Kyra Keith
Director, Movement Coach, Set/Lighting Design by award-winning director Kyra Keith (she/her), a developing actor, director, and creator with a passion for queer, clown, and absurdist work. A graduate of the University of Toronto Mississauga and Sheridan College in the Theatre and Drama Studies Specialist program, Kyra’s recent credits include assistant director of Back Mirror at Alumnae Theatre’s New Ideas Festival, and director of An Ode to Home at Toronto Fringe Festival, Victorian Closet Drama in Alumnae Theatre’s New Ideas Festival, Funeral Al Fresco at Trinity St. Paul’s, and Victor & Priscilla Go To The Circus at Theatre Gargantua. Kyra received five nominations in the Beyond the Curve International Film Festival for her team’s work on Back Mirror. She received a Best Director award for her work on The Fourth Graders Present an Unnamed Love-Suicide with the UTM Drama Club. Kyra is a member of the emerging artists’ program at Theatre Gargantua.
Actor and puppet design
Michelle Gram
Starring Dora-nominated Michelle Gram (she/her) who returns as Mrs. Sophy Luff, and joins as Puppet Designer. Michelle performed in Victorian Closet Drama with Alumnae Theatre. Recent credits include Timekeeper in Cunning Little Vixen at Canadian Opera Company, Co-Creator/Actor in Frankenstein(esque) at Silent Protagonist Theatre /Toronto Fringe Festival (My Entertainment World nominated for Outstanding Ensemble), Pharlap in The Complex at It’s Not a Pivot Productions, and Shadow Puppeteer/Builder in Pierrot and the Moon at Metaphysical Theatre. She is a Dora-nominated puppeteer/designer, voice actor, actress, and teacher. Michelle graduated from York University’s Creative Ensemble/Devised Theatre program and owns Story Drama Suite, offering Arts Education consulting and workshops for educators.
Visit Michelle Gram at www.storydramasuite.com
Visit Michelle Gram at www.storydramasuite.com
Actor Eric Amaral
Starring performer Eric Amaral (he/him) who returns as Miss Priscilla Luff and joins as Sound Designer. Eric is an emerging actor based in Toronto. Recently graduating from York University’s Devised Theatre program, Eric performed as Miss Priscilla in Victorian Closet Drama at Alumnae Theatre’s New Ideas Festival in 2024 and in Victor and Priscilla Go To The Circus at Theatre Gargantua’s Unfinished Cabaret in 2024. Eric starred in Hold Your Hand which won best short film award at the Barrie Film Festival. He hopes you enjoy #1 Clown Comedy with Victor & Priscilla as much as he enjoys being a part of it! Upcoming: Meat Market at Hamilton Fringe July 16-27, 2025 Learn more about Eric at https://www.ericamaral.com/
Actor Julie Vanderlip
Starring performer Julie Vanderlip (she/her) who returns as Mr. Victor Luff. Julie, a Toronto-based actor, performed as Mr. Victor at Alumnae Theatre’s New Idea Festival in Victorian Closet Drama and in Victor and Priscilla Go To The Circus at Theatre Gargantua’s Unfinished Cabaret. Her talent transcends to screen, featured in See No Evil. Notably, Julie was a runner-up for Best Supporting Actress at the Demonic Brilliance Film Festival for Sleep Without a Dream. With a passion for storytelling and LGBTQ+ representation, Julie leaves a lasting impact on both stage and screen.
Actor Parker-Elizabeth Rodenburg
Starring performer Parker-Elizabeth Rodenburg (she/they) as Beau Bunbury, Basher Bunbury, & Aunt Nell Bunbury. Parker-Elizabeth is a 2022 graduate from the University of Windsor’s BFA in Acting program and a recent participant of Tarragon Theatre’s Young Playwrights Unit. Selected credits include Laurie in 86 Me: The Restaurant Play at Dead Raccoon/Toronto Fringe, Iris in Slate Sisters at AlvegoRoot Theatre, performer and creator of Party Games at Buddies in Bad Times, Lissa in Bone Cage at Alumnae Theatre, Antonio/Curio in Twelfth Night at Louie the Goat, Procne in If We Were Birds at University Players, Molly in The Smell of The Kill and Claudio/Margaret in Much Ado About Nothing at University of Windsor. They are endlessly overjoyed to be given a space to play and create in the most unmasked, ridiculous, and challenging ways!
Stage Manager Mikayla Stranges
Stage Management by Mikayla Stranges (she/her). Mikayla is a stage manager and events professional based in Toronto. She is the Manager of Events and Campaigns at CNIB, where she brings heart, strategy, and creativity to life-changing fundraising initiatives across Canada. A graduate of Sheridan College’s Technical Production for Theatre and Live Events program, Mikayla is passionate about building meaningful experiences that inspire connection—whether in a ballroom or a black box theatre. She’s thrilled to be stage managing #1 Clown Comedy with Victor & Priscilla at this year’s Fringe, marking her third fringe production.
Dance Choreography - Jonathan Benedicto
Lighting Technicians - Matthew Ivanoff, Sephora N'Kosi
Lighting Technicians - Matthew Ivanoff, Sephora N'Kosi
Media Quotes about our team
Playwright Aaliya Alibhai's writing in Toronto Fringe's KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (2018): Glenn Sumi at NOW Magazine said "a whimsical mix of the contemporary and mythical". Life With More Cowbell said "touching, funny and tender; a reminder that love can show up in unexpected places." And lauded as a "breath of fresh air" by Mooney on Theatre.
Playwright Natalie Kaye's writing in KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (2018) was called "poetic, sensual and intense" by Life With More Cowbell. Her writing in the Toronto Fringe show MOOD SWINGS (2016) was called "beautiful" "well-executed" and "poetic" by Mooney on Theatre.
Playwright Nina Kaye was called "one of the city's best emergent playwrights" by Mooney on Theatre. About her comedy CASTLE FALDERAL "an abundance of humour [...] supplying fun in spades!" -Kyle Labine, Producer at Sterling Studio Theatre. About her script in Toronto Fringe KITCHEN SINK DRAMA, Life With More Cowbell said "adorably sweet, playful and honest", Mooney On Theatre said "light and frothy with layers", and NOW Magazine said "satisfying". On her drama UNSPOKEN, Mooney On Theatre said: "pulls off the considerable trick of being immensely charming while simultaneously forcing us to reckon with some of the darkest corners of our lives". Of her writing, Burke Campbell, Toronto playwright and photographer, said: “Nina Kaye's writing makes you feel as if you have been dipped in acid and set on fire and then covered in sugar sprinkles”
On Kyra Keith's directing: "real and gratifyingly vital here (think the mind-expanding imaginative energy of Bad Hats Theatre [...]) – and the cast deserve kudos for drawing sustained moments of laughter without undermining the play’s emotional depth" Sesaya Arts on FUNERAL AL FRESCO
Playwright Natalie Kaye's writing in KITCHEN SINK DRAMA (2018) was called "poetic, sensual and intense" by Life With More Cowbell. Her writing in the Toronto Fringe show MOOD SWINGS (2016) was called "beautiful" "well-executed" and "poetic" by Mooney on Theatre.
Playwright Nina Kaye was called "one of the city's best emergent playwrights" by Mooney on Theatre. About her comedy CASTLE FALDERAL "an abundance of humour [...] supplying fun in spades!" -Kyle Labine, Producer at Sterling Studio Theatre. About her script in Toronto Fringe KITCHEN SINK DRAMA, Life With More Cowbell said "adorably sweet, playful and honest", Mooney On Theatre said "light and frothy with layers", and NOW Magazine said "satisfying". On her drama UNSPOKEN, Mooney On Theatre said: "pulls off the considerable trick of being immensely charming while simultaneously forcing us to reckon with some of the darkest corners of our lives". Of her writing, Burke Campbell, Toronto playwright and photographer, said: “Nina Kaye's writing makes you feel as if you have been dipped in acid and set on fire and then covered in sugar sprinkles”
On Kyra Keith's directing: "real and gratifyingly vital here (think the mind-expanding imaginative energy of Bad Hats Theatre [...]) – and the cast deserve kudos for drawing sustained moments of laughter without undermining the play’s emotional depth" Sesaya Arts on FUNERAL AL FRESCO
Past Productions with Victor & Priscilla, Toronto's lovable clown characters
Victor & Priscilla Go To The Circus, a new play at Unfinished Cabaret
Theatre Gargantua, August 2024
Julie Vanderlip as Victor Luff, Eric Amaral as Priscilla Luff
|
Victor and Priscilla Go To The Circus by Nina Kaye is an inventive and clownish new comedy which continues the adventures of the Victorian era cross dressing siblings, Victor and Priscilla Luff, whom we first encountered in the play Victorian Closet Drama staged at Alumnae Theatre's New Ideas Festival in May 2024. Directed by Kyra Keith, starring Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff and Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff.
This silly brother and sister clown team have decided to run away to join the circus! And all of you are invited! Watch Victor and Priscilla try out their new act, cheer on their daring do as they tame lions, perform feats of strength, and bicker endlessly over who gets top billing. But shhh... Don't tell their mama! It's still a secret... One of eight short shows in the fun filled evening include Musical, Theatre, Shadow plays, Bouffon, Clown, and Drag performance. |
Victor & Priscilla starred in
Victorian Closet Drama by Nina Kaye, a silly cross dressing comedy of manners
Alumnae Theatre May 2024
Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff, Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff
Victorian Closet Drama was performed at Alumnae Theatre New Ideas Festival in May 2024.
Written by Nina Kaye, directed by Kyra Keith, starring Michelle Gram as Mrs. Sophy Luff, Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff, Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff, Tyler Bignell as Mr. William Jewell, Emilia Michalowska as Miss Helen Jewell, and Stage Managed by Srutika Sabu.
Victorian Closet Drama summary - in an 1800s Toronto parlour, a vaudevillian family invites you to enjoy a short entertainment, a new play they have created! Will the night be a success, ending in marriage proposals, celebration and applause? Or will it all end in tears? A cross-dressing comedy of manners, like Oscar Wilde had a baby with the Marx brothers.
Victorian Closet Drama is a scripted play of 20 minutes in length. It introduced the characters of the cross-dressing stage-struck siblings, Victor and Priscilla Luff, to audiences for the first time. In addition to the play onstage, audiences had a chance to meet the characters in one on one improvised interactions during intermission.
After their successful debut with Alumnae Theatre, Mr. Victor Luff and his sister Miss Priscilla Luff, secured a return engagement at Theatre Gargantua's Unfinished Cabaret on August 15, 2024, in a new partly scripted, partly improvised, 10 minute cabaret style performance, Victor and Priscilla Go To The Circus, which includes cross dressing and drag performance, audience interaction, movement based comedy and clowning.
Written by Nina Kaye, directed by Kyra Keith, starring Michelle Gram as Mrs. Sophy Luff, Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff, Julie Vanderlip as Mr. Victor Luff, Tyler Bignell as Mr. William Jewell, Emilia Michalowska as Miss Helen Jewell, and Stage Managed by Srutika Sabu.
Victorian Closet Drama summary - in an 1800s Toronto parlour, a vaudevillian family invites you to enjoy a short entertainment, a new play they have created! Will the night be a success, ending in marriage proposals, celebration and applause? Or will it all end in tears? A cross-dressing comedy of manners, like Oscar Wilde had a baby with the Marx brothers.
Victorian Closet Drama is a scripted play of 20 minutes in length. It introduced the characters of the cross-dressing stage-struck siblings, Victor and Priscilla Luff, to audiences for the first time. In addition to the play onstage, audiences had a chance to meet the characters in one on one improvised interactions during intermission.
After their successful debut with Alumnae Theatre, Mr. Victor Luff and his sister Miss Priscilla Luff, secured a return engagement at Theatre Gargantua's Unfinished Cabaret on August 15, 2024, in a new partly scripted, partly improvised, 10 minute cabaret style performance, Victor and Priscilla Go To The Circus, which includes cross dressing and drag performance, audience interaction, movement based comedy and clowning.
Photos from Victorian Closet Drama May 2024 production at Alumnae Theatre
Eric Amaral as Miss Priscilla Luff
|
Michelle Gram as Mrs. Sophy Luff
|
Tyler Bignell as Mr. William Jewell
|
Additional Cast and Crew of Victorian Closet Drama at Alumnae Theatre 2024
Actor Tyler Bignell
Starring Tyler Bignell as Mr. William Jewell. Tyler is a veteran of the stage with notable credits including Felix in The Odd Couple, Tad in Family Affair, Peter in Prelude to a Kiss, and Bouc in Murder on the Orient Express. This is Tyler’s first show with Alumnae Theatre. When not acting, Tyler can be found blowing kisses at cars in the bike lane from his bicycle OR wandering from bar to bar on Front Street. Thanks to everyone for coming to see this show. If you made it this far, you win. Likes: Theatre, Star Trek, You. Dislikes: Open mouth chewers, the 401, poorly written bios.
Actor Emilia Michalowska
Starring Emilia Michalowska as Miss Helen Jewell. Emilia is delighted to be making her Toronto theatre debut in the hilarious Victorian Closet Drama. Originally from Vancouver, Emilia has since gone on to receive an Associates of Arts from The American Academy of Dramatic Arts in Los Angeles and a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree from NYU’s Tisch School of The Arts in New York City. Emilia’s recent Theatre/TV credits include the aptly named Amelia in The House Of Bernarda Alba Off-Off Broadway at The Gallery Players), Belle/Narrator #5 in A Christmas Carol Radio Show at The Metro Theatre in Vancouver, and Bea Hall in Dark Side Of the Ring.
Stage Manager Srutika Sabu
Stage managed by Srutika (Tika) Sabu (she/they). Srutika is a doctor turned clown and multidisciplinary artist. Her work blends absurdity, vulnerability, and joy, using world building as knowledge creation, using storytelling to explore identity, migration and cultural memory. She’s an alumna of the Toronto Fringe TENT program and the Toronto Arts Foundation/Neighbourhood Arts Network’s ArtWorksTO program. Srutika's show 1 Santosh Santosh 2 Go: Tosh Finds His Groove was directed by clown coach and star of Umbrella Academy, Ken Hall, at Toronto Fringe in July 2024. In 2025, she was featured in the Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival, and, in addition to Paprika Festival’s Creative Producers Unit, she is part of the Buddies In Bad Times Emerging Creators Unit and Nightwood Theatre’s Shadow Residency, expanding her practice in performance, production, and artistic development. UPCOMING: Sweet and Sultry Burlesque at Toronto Fringe, July 2025
SCRIPT EXCERPT
Translation for historical words and Polari language is listed in square brackets []
Priscilla, a young Victorian-era cross-dressing clown, is setting up the table for tea and talking to the audience.
Priscilla
(Setting up the table for tea) Welcome to our little spellken [theatre]! It’s quite cozy, isn’t it? The rent is terribly steep though, and we share with 8 other companies! I’m Miss Priscilla Luff - perhaps you’ve heard of me? I’ve been on the stage. I’m thinking of giving it up, though, to live a life of leisure as a fine lady.
Would you like a cuppa? (Hands the audience member a tea cup) Be careful, you don’t want to spill the tea! Just kidding! I spill the tea all the time! I’m a regular flibbertigibbit! [gossiper] We call tea scandal-broth because we gossip as we drink it! I try to behave in a decorous way but I’m such an odd duckling. I always seem to foozle it! [handle things clumsily]. I’m dreadfully clumsy! I’ve broken so many tea cups! And our production has a very small budget. We’re poor as church mice... This is our fifteenth teapot! We’ll end up in debtor’s prison if I keep breaking fine china!
Now hold still. I don’t want to spill it on you. You look nervous, why do you look nervous? Just hold still. (Pours the tea, the teapot is empty) You seem surprised that the tea pot is empty! Didn’t you ever have a tea party before? It’s pretend! Here, I’ll pour you some more. (Elaborately pours the tea into the cup, see Moroccan tea pouring for inspiration) There! Didn’t spill a drop! I’m a dab hand at this! [skilled] Do you want to see some more tea pouring tricks? (Performs more tricks, becomes exhausted)
That’s done me in! I’ll sip some scandal-broth to regain my composure. (Sips tea) Deliciouse! [french, pronounced day-li-see-uhz] (Excitedly) That’s your actual French! Do you know how to drink tea like a fine lady? No one’s ever taught me the proper way to hold a tea cup. I come from a family of vaudevillians in the music hall. We’re all dreadful improper!
I try to be elegant, but I never know what to do with my famblers! [hands] (Priscilla holds up her hands and wiggles them about and looks at them) How does a fine lady drink her tea? You raise one lupper [finger] I think, is that it? You hold the tea cup and then raise one lupper and drink it. (Priscilla holds the tea cup in one hand and lifts a finger on the other hand and drinks the tea) Is it this lupper? This one? The little lupper? Have I got it right? No? You’ll have to show me... (Priscilla practices drinking tea like a fine lady) I think I’ve got it! By George I’ve got it! Cheers! (Priscilla clinks tea cups together with the audience member)
Now I have to think of something polite to say, that won’t be easy! I’m trying to be ladylike, but it’s difficult to know how to conduct oneself in polite company when one was raised as a circus clown! On the rare occasions when I am invited to a ladylike function I always ruin it with an ill-considered remark! That’s what they call Foot-in-mouth disease, it’s chronic with me, I’m always saying the wrong thing.
I’ve never grown accustomed to the boring bibble-babble! [chatter] I wish someone would draw me a picture of the bounds of propriety because I’m forever straying out of them! What are the topics that are considered polite to discuss? I never remember... Religion! Religion is the perfect topic for polite conversation with someone to whom you’ve just been introduced! Talking about religion could never cause offense! It’s so dull and antiquated that nobody could get offended by this ancient history nowadays. I suppose I can’t discuss the topic of religion though because I’m such a jiggle-brained booby [idiot]. I’ve tried to read the bible several times but I always fall asleep.
I’ll have to think of another polite topic to discuss that never offends anybody. Oh! Politics! That’s another topic no one every disagrees on! That should be safe! Everyone is so well informed about politics, there’s never any confusion or misinformation to clear up. Everyone is so temperate [gentle, pronounced tem-per-et] and agreeable in their discussion of politics. It would be the perfect topic of conversation except that we agree on everything already and so there is nothing left for us to discuss. Oh well, moving on.
What else can I talk about? The weather? (In a fine lady voice) “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.” The moon in June is never out at noon. The breeze from trees always makes one sneeze. A moose is loose aboot the hoose. Oh dear, I’m running out of things to say... How long is one normally expected to continue this tepid tiny talk? You - you there! Do you know how long this event is meant to last? Do you know how long I’m expected to entertain you all? An hour? One hour?! Oh, no no no no no no no. That's far too long an hour? How will I be able to entertain you for a whole hour? I'll need help, maybe the others have an idea...
Priscilla, a young Victorian-era cross-dressing clown, is setting up the table for tea and talking to the audience.
Priscilla
(Setting up the table for tea) Welcome to our little spellken [theatre]! It’s quite cozy, isn’t it? The rent is terribly steep though, and we share with 8 other companies! I’m Miss Priscilla Luff - perhaps you’ve heard of me? I’ve been on the stage. I’m thinking of giving it up, though, to live a life of leisure as a fine lady.
Would you like a cuppa? (Hands the audience member a tea cup) Be careful, you don’t want to spill the tea! Just kidding! I spill the tea all the time! I’m a regular flibbertigibbit! [gossiper] We call tea scandal-broth because we gossip as we drink it! I try to behave in a decorous way but I’m such an odd duckling. I always seem to foozle it! [handle things clumsily]. I’m dreadfully clumsy! I’ve broken so many tea cups! And our production has a very small budget. We’re poor as church mice... This is our fifteenth teapot! We’ll end up in debtor’s prison if I keep breaking fine china!
Now hold still. I don’t want to spill it on you. You look nervous, why do you look nervous? Just hold still. (Pours the tea, the teapot is empty) You seem surprised that the tea pot is empty! Didn’t you ever have a tea party before? It’s pretend! Here, I’ll pour you some more. (Elaborately pours the tea into the cup, see Moroccan tea pouring for inspiration) There! Didn’t spill a drop! I’m a dab hand at this! [skilled] Do you want to see some more tea pouring tricks? (Performs more tricks, becomes exhausted)
That’s done me in! I’ll sip some scandal-broth to regain my composure. (Sips tea) Deliciouse! [french, pronounced day-li-see-uhz] (Excitedly) That’s your actual French! Do you know how to drink tea like a fine lady? No one’s ever taught me the proper way to hold a tea cup. I come from a family of vaudevillians in the music hall. We’re all dreadful improper!
I try to be elegant, but I never know what to do with my famblers! [hands] (Priscilla holds up her hands and wiggles them about and looks at them) How does a fine lady drink her tea? You raise one lupper [finger] I think, is that it? You hold the tea cup and then raise one lupper and drink it. (Priscilla holds the tea cup in one hand and lifts a finger on the other hand and drinks the tea) Is it this lupper? This one? The little lupper? Have I got it right? No? You’ll have to show me... (Priscilla practices drinking tea like a fine lady) I think I’ve got it! By George I’ve got it! Cheers! (Priscilla clinks tea cups together with the audience member)
Now I have to think of something polite to say, that won’t be easy! I’m trying to be ladylike, but it’s difficult to know how to conduct oneself in polite company when one was raised as a circus clown! On the rare occasions when I am invited to a ladylike function I always ruin it with an ill-considered remark! That’s what they call Foot-in-mouth disease, it’s chronic with me, I’m always saying the wrong thing.
I’ve never grown accustomed to the boring bibble-babble! [chatter] I wish someone would draw me a picture of the bounds of propriety because I’m forever straying out of them! What are the topics that are considered polite to discuss? I never remember... Religion! Religion is the perfect topic for polite conversation with someone to whom you’ve just been introduced! Talking about religion could never cause offense! It’s so dull and antiquated that nobody could get offended by this ancient history nowadays. I suppose I can’t discuss the topic of religion though because I’m such a jiggle-brained booby [idiot]. I’ve tried to read the bible several times but I always fall asleep.
I’ll have to think of another polite topic to discuss that never offends anybody. Oh! Politics! That’s another topic no one every disagrees on! That should be safe! Everyone is so well informed about politics, there’s never any confusion or misinformation to clear up. Everyone is so temperate [gentle, pronounced tem-per-et] and agreeable in their discussion of politics. It would be the perfect topic of conversation except that we agree on everything already and so there is nothing left for us to discuss. Oh well, moving on.
What else can I talk about? The weather? (In a fine lady voice) “The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.” The moon in June is never out at noon. The breeze from trees always makes one sneeze. A moose is loose aboot the hoose. Oh dear, I’m running out of things to say... How long is one normally expected to continue this tepid tiny talk? You - you there! Do you know how long this event is meant to last? Do you know how long I’m expected to entertain you all? An hour? One hour?! Oh, no no no no no no no. That's far too long an hour? How will I be able to entertain you for a whole hour? I'll need help, maybe the others have an idea...
